previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm in front of him now, robe, covered, flaming sword.
I'm going to say, awake, your time has come, confess your sins.
I hurt some people, I hurt them real bad, but I've been trying to, that's why I came
here.
I stabbed him.
He screams out in pain, and you feel a rush of energy.
Watching him, you see a face, a very fair-skinned, porcelain-looked face come and materialize
over top of the man's.
What?
I'm not going to pry.
I have a feeling that you are doing more than you say you're doing.
Probably good to go with that.
What's that?
Oh, I have a dragonborn that's also living in my head.
So nothing serious then?
No, no, just your run-of-the-mill second personality.
Johnzik hands you a necklace.
I hope this helps a little bit.
Thanks, brother.
I'm sure I'll be back real soon.
You be safe, and you come back.
I promise I'll do both of those.
You are always welcome.
Thanks, Dad.
And I give them each a kiss on the cheek, and I wave goodbye as I leave at the front.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast, and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More,
and with me today is Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
I was wondering who it was going to be, but it turned out it was me.
I play Flynn Firebeard.
And Carla Johnson.
That was maybe the most pregnant paws we've ever had in the history of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I play New Laura Moonbrook.
And also, Amy More.
I play Sia Amastasia, and I was so hoping you were going to say my name first, and
I just not belong with it because I was doing that while you were talking.
I think I'm real funny.
I can't see the video that we're putting out because it's just Tom with video, so
yeah.
Yeah.
It's disappointing.
It's great.
I love it.
So good.
It's the way this podcast should be, to be honest.
You know you can do one of those yourself, Tom.
Harsh rebrand after episode 73.
Just Tom.
Tomjins and dragon.
Aww, Tomjins.
I mean, he already has the most characters on this podcast of the three of you.
That's true.
How is everybody tonight?
Doing well.
Good?
Good.
Yeah.
It's Tom's birthday.
Can we say that or is it a secret?
Oh, it is Tom's birthday.
Is it a secret?
It's not a secret from us.
I'm going to announce that it's Tom's birthday in the episode that comes out tomorrow as
we record this, but I mean, Tom can have two birthdays.
Sure.
Of course he can.
Why not?
Tom can have as many birthdays as he wants.
Yes he can.
So when we record this, it's Tom's birthday.
Damn right.
When you're 28, you can have as many birthdays as you want.
That's right.
You keep that celebration going until you're 36.
Oh no.
No.
Boiled again.
It's over now.
So close.
It was so close.
What an arbitrary date cut off.
I don't make the rules.
I haven't had a birthday in years.
Yeah.
I don't know how to segue into this, but we're on Patreon as well.
And if you enjoy what we do and you enjoy the little goofs and guffaws that we have,
you can come join us over there, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where you can join
us for great gook hangs, where we have a Patreon exclusive discord access.
We have the discord available to everyone, but patrons get a special little, uh, little
their own little channels where they can talk to us about the Patreon things and other
things that they don't want other people to know.
Secret things.
Those regular people.
Double secret things.
Yeah.
And a whole other game they get to listen to or.
Ooh, that's true.
Gamez.
Several different stories we have told exclusively over there.
Oh, the tales we weave in Patreon.
So many tales.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
We all know it.
Well, Twitter is like at dumb dragon, right?
Or at Dumb Dragon Cast.
Is it?
What was the one that was different?
There was one that was different.
Dumb Dragon podcast and the Gmail is dumb dragon podcast at Gmail.
Okay.
Do we ever get any emails?
Uh, we do occasionally.
If you time to time.
Yeah.
If you want to send us some emails, send us some emails.
This is just the episode where we tell you how to read emails.
Yeah.
The thing I find about emails is when people send us an email, it's usually more personal
in nature.
So I don't always feel like sharing it with the podcast.
But if you want us to send an email, just put whether you want us to read it or not.
And we can do that.
And if you don't want to send us an email, just come join us on our Facebook group,
The Reckless Plague Guild, where we've joined forces with a band to form a band like so
which has never been seen.
No.
Ah, blew it.
Anyways.
So close.
Cross over event.
Prove me wrong.
Something.
Yeah.
All that stuff.
Yeah.
Ambitious crossover.
Et cetera.
Iconic.
Du-ho.
God.
Exactly.
Sorry, Russ.
Continue.
We've joined with the lovely podcast, The Lucky Die, The End of Time and Other Bothers,
and Dark Dice.
And we're building a better, bigger community to talk about D&D and all these great shows.
And if you haven't joined us there, you should.
Please do.
Link down in the description.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
So previously, no, let's not do that.
You guys leveled up, which you should have done a while ago, but there's nothing
crazy really.
Better late than never.
So you did it.
What level are you now?
Fourteen.
Oh, good.
You're all the same level.
That means I've done something, right?
Yep.
That's a good start.
Yep.
Now we all split the party.
Nope.
So what do you get at level 14?
I know it's not a very glamorous level.
It's not.
But for me, it's the unsung hero of the levels because at first, I scoffed.
Because that was my scoff because I did not get any new spell slots.
I did not get any bonus actions as I had hoped.
But I did learn.
I did learn a few things by just looking over that good old player's handbook again
because I had fucking forgotten everything about wild shape that I ever knew before.
Perfect.
Turns out I can wild shape as a fucking bonus action.
God damn it.
I mean, not for not for past Amy, but for current Amy.
No.
Yeah.
For current and future Amy.
From going into the fight against Tiamat, I think it's going to be useful.
Also, I didn't know that, but I can, while I'm wild shaping.
Wild shaping?
Well, I'm imagining Carla's face right now.
While I'm in wild shape, I can expend a spell slot to regain 1d8 hit points per level of
the spell slot expended.
Damn.
So many times I was close to death.
I could have actually just like killed a couple level two spells and rolled like
4d8 and been fine.
That is very good to know.
I know now.
Another thing I didn't know is that my attack in beast form is magical.
So it's counted as a magical attack.
It's like there's reasons that you should be wild shaping all the time.
I know.
Then at 10th level, it turns out I can expend two uses of my wild shape at the
same time to transform into a fucking elemental.
What?
And now at 14 levels.
I am loving these reveals.
I'm learning so much.
They're getting progressively more like impressive every time.
Things I could have been using for listeners.
I could have been using these for the past year, a whole year of D&D.
This is what I'm picturing in my head.
I'm picturing somebody who's been listening to our podcast that mains a druid and
they've been screaming at their iPod the entire time of like, why doesn't she know
because our listeners are so lovely.
They probably weren't even thinking that they're probably just like, well,
I'm sure there's a good reason why she's not doing it.
There's no good reason.
It could have been some homebrew reason that we just discounted
something that's too powerful.
Whatever.
No, we definitely didn't do any of that.
I just let them play their characters like they want to play them.
Poorly.
This last one though is a doozy and I'm excited about it because at 14th
level, I have learned to use magic to alter my physical form in more subtle ways.
So that means I can use the alter self-spell at any time.
That's, that's, that's as of today.
As of today.
This is not like, this is not like I could have been using this.
This is as of today.
Tom, calm down.
Sorry.
I was losing it thinking I'm so stupid.
You missed what I did, but Carla saw it.
I'm going to watch the playback.
You should.
So this connects to my previous thing of all of the aerial gifts that I have posted
on the Facebook page because with this alter self, which I can use just willy nilly
whenever I want, as many times as I want, I assume a different form.
I can look exactly like other people.
I can look, I could make myself look exactly like Tom.
As long as they are the same shape as me and bipedal, like humanoid and bipedal, I can
do it.
I can also, wait for it, do aquatic adaptation.
That's right.
I grow gills, I grow webbing between my feet and I can breathe underwater.
I know there's like no water really in what we're doing, but I think it's pretty
exciting.
Wow.
I mean, I know only one of those is your level 14 thing, but it seems like level 14
was amazing for you.
I know.
Also, I can grow natural weapons.
Does that mean like bone claws, like you're fucking Wolverine now?
That's what I said.
I can grow claws, fangs, spines, horns, or any different natural weapon of my choice.
And it deals one D6 bludgeoning piercing or slashing damage as appropriate.
Finally, my natural weapon is magic and I have a plus one bonus to the attack and damage
rolls I make using it.
So as far as role playing that, I would say you probably wouldn't get like Wolverine
claws.
You would get like extendable, like wolf claws that come out of your fingers.
Yeah, it would be more like fangs.
Oh, but it does say, sorry, claws, but it does say spines.
Where I grow these spines, would that not be up to me?
Sure.
Russ doesn't like it because now he's like, man, she's actually going to use some of this shit.
But I'm just double checking.
You guys are going into the biggest battle you've ever been in.
So it's probably good that you read your character sheets.
Right?
I can cast alter self-spell at will.
I feel like Thea is just going to use this to like pretty yourself up or like
not just pretty yourself up, but like make herself more sexually attractive.
Bigger boobs.
You have to watch the playback now, Amy, because that's what Tom did.
And it was so out of character that that's why I lost it.
Like made a boob growing gesture.
Like, what are you doing?
Ah, Tom, he's so full of surprises.
I know.
Okay.
So that was mine.
See, you don't have to worry about not knowing what's going to happen in this
podcast because it's going to be 20 minutes of Amy talking about her level up.
Only one of those things actually happened today.
That's true.
Yeah.
Listeners, don't be misled.
Not much happened at level 14.
I'm going to challenge you and I'll challenge Tom the same thing.
Wait, is Tom here?
To read your character sheet once every two recordings.
Yes, I absolutely should.
It's so hard to remember things.
Just read it.
And then I also wrote it.
I didn't have anything written about wild shape.
Also, I completely forgotten what circle of the I was a part of.
Moon.
Yes.
Who's next?
I can go next.
Follow.
Yeah, I mean, mine is as a typical fighter level up.
It's pretty disappointing, especially after all of that.
I mean, hers should have been that, too.
Yeah, it really should have just been the one.
I can alter my form whenever I please.
Next.
But that's just not the way I tell a story.
Yeah, that's just I mean, you built so much tension.
I know.
Going forward through that story.
It was expert storytelling.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So level up to 14.
Not a whole lot going on with the champion fighter.
I improved my strength and my charisma.
That's good.
But now I got a plus five bonus in strength, so I'm good to go as far as that's concerned.
That's good.
Yeah.
Maxed out with strength.
Nice.
Yeah.
I got like a six, I think, on my con roll for my hit points.
But with all my bonuses, it ended up being like 12 more hit points.
Oh, wait.
I was supposed to get more hit points.
Every level up.
Why are your hit dice at 12?
Did you not level up like the last two levels?
No, 14.
But I had to use 12 of them.
I had to use.
Sorry.
They just weren't reset.
Relax.
Sorry, Tom.
Continue.
Russ is so rude and interrupting you.
I know.
That was literally all of mine.
Oh, OK.
That was the entire thing.
Nice.
I do get some pretty baller shit at 15, though, so watch out for that.
No, you'll never make it to 15.
I hope we're not.
Oh, Jesus.
I was just going to say, I hope we're not dead before then.
Amy just got Max hit point level up.
All right.
Nice.
Make sure to add your con bonus, too.
125 hit points, bitches.
Tom's like, I'm at 300.
Well, I'm actually at an even 200.
Holy fuck.
Oh, my God.
Damn.
I forgot to add my con bonus, so I feel like I just got like I just got two more.
So I was feeling I mean, you didn't even have to admit to that.
Carla seemed like the right thing to do.
We can't even see you doing my lack of skill.
Amy just admitted she didn't even do any hit points.
Wait, we get hit points.
Carla, what you at?
135.
OK, then no, I'm probably fine.
What's your level up there, Carla?
I mean, anticlimactic after all of that.
Basically, the only thing that I can do now is turn invisible.
It's pretty good.
As a bonus action, I can vanish.
So I just sit.
That's it.
I vanish. It's amazing.
Just disappear.
Can you can you move and be invisible?
I believe so.
It doesn't say anything like it just like it's a bonus action.
Stupid cloak where he has.
You can't be tracked unless you want to be or something.
Yeah, that's the other part of it.
I can't be tracked by non magical means unless I choose to be like you like purposely breaking twigs and shit.
Exactly.
Or if like you guys are trying to follow me or something.
Yeah, like if she was hiding from bad guys but wanted to leave us clues that we knew to look for them.
I mean, you don't really turn invisible.
You use the hide action.
Shut up, Rush.
She turns invisible.
I mean, it's called vanish.
My way sounds way more fun than yours.
Fair enough.
Agreed.
I had to look at it.
I don't actually.
I just can't see.
Mechanic wise.
Yeah.
No, no.
I'm not actually invisible, but they can't see me.
So the effect is the same.
Absolutely.
I mean, they see you go and hide.
I guess.
They also see you rolling.
It's not like you just disappear.
It's like you're standing there fighting something and then you turn and you hide behind a tree.
They know where you went.
You're making it sound a lot less glamorous than she is.
Yeah, really, Russ.
I'm sorry.
So we're going to cut for the money zone now and we'll catch up back to you.
I think that's trademarked.
I think that must be trademarked.
It very well might be.
Do they have the website?
I mean, probably.
One of the world's foremost experts on credit crisis.
It's not theirs.
Definitely don't go to that website.
Well, let's get to playing D&D.
I just looked at my notes and now I'm so mad again.
I don't understand why.
Previously, your characters went home and had just the best time.
And now you're all back.
You've landed back in the teleportation chamber in Waterdeep.
I magically have bigger boobs than I did before.
Just subtly, just enough to make you go.
Maybe they were there the whole time.
New shirt?
Yeah.
We're all there.
We all like when and appear at the same time.
I guess we wait for each other.
Want to see our friends gone apart for a whole week.
Yeah, it's not like you're just going to show up.
No one's here.
You're like, well, all right, I guess they're not coming.
I'm going to bed.
What time of day are we showing up?
It's like, I mean, you spent the whole day at your various locations.
It's half o'clock is what you're saying.
Sure.
Hey guys, how was your trip?
It was interesting, to say the least.
And he did say the least.
Nulara, are you okay?
Yeah.
I mean, a lot of it was great.
A lot of it was awesome.
I saw my family.
It was amazing.
Got this cool new necklace.
That's pretty baller.
Family heirloom.
Pretty nice, right?
How about you?
How did it go with your folks, Thea?
Words were said.
Water went under bridges.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, I think overall it was pretty good.
I should have done it years ago, really.
So a success.
That sounds good.
Success.
And Flint, you literally said nothing.
Is everything all right?
How's the fam?
I mean, there was a lot of changes since I'd been home last.
My dad died.
So there was some stuff to process.
Thea just goes over and hugs because she's a hugger.
She hugs Flint.
Do I have to roll for hug?
If you want to roll.
He's so strong now he might not even feel it.
Can we have like a grapple off to see who hugs better?
It's a contested roll.
Okay.
Perfect.
Fuck off.
I rolled.
I'm adding my strength.
Sure.
A seven.
23.
You crush me like a leaf.
Yeah.
And deflate.
Oh no.
You pushed my boobs into non-existence.
Curse you, strength.
With his face because he's shorter than me?
He motorboated those things away.
Well, this consoling hug got weird.
I mean, I feel like the height is off there, but you know, it was a really good roll.
It was true.
It was.
I'm really sorry to hear that, Flint.
It's okay.
I mean, we were never too close, but I mean, it would have been nice to, you know, talk
to them before this happened.
Are your sister and mom all right?
It'll take some time, but they're managing.
But I mean, hey, we got a job to do to give them time.
So let's make it happen.
Yeah, it's running out, isn't it?
You guys want to go get one last drink before we go to work tomorrow?
You know it.
Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.
And off to, where do we want to go?
Yawning Portal?
I mean, it does seem like our local spot.
It's our usual haunt.
Yeah.
We need something jovial.
We can't go to that other like depressing one.
What was that one called?
The lonely, the lonely something?
Lonely Tavern?
No, it was something.
The lonely juggler.
It was probably the lonely juggler.
Probably.
Because Amy said it sounded really upbeat.
They've rebranded since then.
So it was probably the lonely juggler.
That's actually one of the saddest things.
Nothing more upbeat than a solo juggler.
Whatever that was before, they've rebranded to the lonely juggler.
I like it.
Yeah, sure.
You guys, you leave.
I'm sure Russ is okay when someone else does an aggressive rebrand, but not us.
Right.
You exit the portal, the teleportation chamber.
The lonely whip.
That's what it was.
I had it written down.
Look at you.
I was half right.
The lonely juggler.
It was a lonely something.
Sorry.
Yeah.
I believe the teleportation chamber, the three wizards just kind of roll their eyes as you
leave.
I shoot them with my guns.
One of them shoots back.
Oh, yeah.
And you're heading down the halls and you hear familiar footsteps of Leosen as
he comes around the corner.
Oh, good.
You're back.
How did things go?
Better than expected.
Not as good as I'd hoped, but it was good overall.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Mixed bag.
Okay.
Well, I'm glad.
Are you heading out?
No one really around right now, so I guess if that's what you're doing, that's probably
a good idea.
We thought we'd go grab a drink before we, you know, get back to it tomorrow
morning.
Yeah.
I guess tomorrow come see me and we'll go over some final things and then it'll be
off to the war room to kind of discuss the final assets that we have and what we know
of the Well of the Dragons and how to get you inside.
Well, the only thing I want to be inside of right now is...
Please finish that sentence.
Continue.
Yes.
I just forgot the name of the pub.
Is it a yawning portal?
The yawning portal.
It's like I'm trying to remember Hourglass.
So bad.
Well, the only thing I want to be inside of is the yawning portal right now.
Would you like to come with us, Lil Leosen?
Lil Leosen.
Lil Leosen, like Lil Kim.
I feel like you may have already been there.
But no, I have some final things to get prepared after the last party night.
I think more paperwork.
All the paperwork, my friend.
All the paperwork.
This job is not glamorous.
He shows you his hands.
These hands, they're covered in cuts.
Thousand tiny cuts.
I cast your wounds on him.
Thank you.
I don't know why I didn't think of doing that myself.
That's all right.
All this time with these open cuts.
These hands.
I'd like to leave my mark, but now I don't have to.
Thank you.
I will see you all in the morning.
Yeah, you got it, Lil Leosen.
See you, Lil Leosen.
He heads back down the hallway of which you came, and you head out into the streets.
The last time you were here, it was very, very rainy and dreary.
But a couple days has cleared that up in this bright blue sky.
And it gives you a bit of a sense of hope as you head to the Yawning Portal.
We swing the door open to the Yawning Portal.
And I say, this round's on me.
To the house.
And it's a packed house.
That's all right.
Can't take it with you when you die.
It is the most full you have ever seen it.
I'm trying to convince me not to do this and skip out on my bail.
You've already done it.
They've cheered.
There's an uproarious cheer in the background.
Thea's job right now is to make this the best night, because it could be the last night.
You see everybody heading up to the bar where Dernan was pretty much alone.
But now it's very busy at the bar.
And he sees you and gives you a nod, a tired nod.
And he sees me mouth bottom shelf only to him.
He nods back.
And there's many clear tables at this point, because everybody's gotten up to go get themselves around.
Good strategy then.
Right?
We go take a table by a window.
I was going to say, is there a patio at the Yawning Portal?
Sounds like it's a nice sunny day.
They have those outdoor heaters.
No patio, but you have clear shot of the tunnel down into the Undermountain.
Or you can sit beside the window.
It's up to you.
I mean, I'm going to say window.
Yeah, come here.
The Undermountain doesn't sound as jovial.
Well, I mean, it's the big pit in the middle of the Yawning Portal.
It's a beautiful sunny day.
Let's go sit beside the pit.
How far can you spit into the pit?
Yeah, it's winter in Canada right now.
Yeah, a lot of pit sitting, not a lot of windows.
Player-weather reference would be sitting in a window in sunshine, not in absolute darkness at all times.
Yeah, you go sit down by the window.
Hey, guys, can I talk to you about something?
Always.
Of course.
Something happened while I was home.
Something bad.
Yeah, I was going to say, if you're going this slow, it's not going to be good, is it?
It's not good.
I don't even want to tell you.
But I feel like I have to because, you know, you're my people.
At that moment, Dernan comes over and slams three large mugs down onto the table and says,
It's good to see you all again.
Thank you for all the business.
I assume you're paying.
Of course.
I wouldn't leave you high and dry, dirty buddy.
Good.
I'm glad.
Thank you very much.
As always, if you need anything, just give me a holler.
I hear everybody's kind of getting ready to head out, hence the busyness.
So I'm sure I'll see you later tonight, but good luck.
Good luck.
Thanks, Dernan.
There's some people yelling at him from the bar.
Duty calls.
And he walks back to the bar.
So I take like a big glug of my drink.
You know that dagger?
I believe we're familiar.
The one that you guys fought over?
Yeah.
Well, me and Thaddeus had a little scuffle over it, you'll recall.
And I did probably the worst thing that I'd ever done in my life.
Yep.
Yeah, that was weird.
Yep.
Well, something like that happened again.
Oh.
Yeah, so I'm just going to say it.
I'm just going to, sorry.
I'm just going to say it.
I went home and I saw my brothers and their wives and their husband and all their kids and it was so great.
And then one night I was walking in my sleep and I woke up in the forest.
And you guys, I killed somebody.
And not like fighting them killed somebody.
Just had to kill somebody or else Dagger would have made me do something worse to someone in my family.
And I just, I couldn't.
Those are my only two choices.
I couldn't do it.
Well, I mean, you must have made, like, that's an impossible decision.
But obviously that's the right one if that was the alternative.
I know.
I mean, it was.
I don't feel like I had a choice.
And of course, I mean, you guys know we've killed tons of people.
I mean, we fight.
Well, yeah.
It's kind of our whole deal.
It happens.
It's a decimator.
You know, it's just right there.
Time up.
Throw them in rivers, et cetera.
This just felt, this was different.
And I just had to tell you because I'm not, I'm not always in control while I have this thing and I can't get rid of it.
Something really terrible is going to happen.
But I just want you to know, you know, who you're fighting alongside.
Okay.
Sorry.
That sounds horrible, Nulara.
Just awful.
But the, the dagger made you do it?
Well.
Like, what do you mean?
I feel like I can't, I, I don't know if I can say more than that.
I just, I want to tell you guys to trust me.
But at the same time, maybe you shouldn't totally trust me.
Has this sleepwalking occurred before?
Or is this a new thing?
New thing.
And was this a bad guy?
Was he a bad guy?
I don't know.
I'm just trying to justify it now at this point.
Can you not have the dagger anymore?
I don't think that's an option.
I shouldn't, that's not an option.
May I look at the dagger?
No touching.
You can try.
Remember not to touch it though.
You can try.
So I like undo, you know, it's on my belt, right?
And like, kind of, you guys can't see me right now.
So I hold it out like on my two hands.
Right.
So you can like see it without touching it.
And I'm not like grasping it as if I, you know, it's just resting on my hands.
I don't think I've detected magic on this before.
Mind if I?
You did.
I almost want to say that you did and Russ was like, it's magic as fuck.
Right. I was just hoping to figure out like if I could tell if it was possessed or something like that.
Like if there was an entity in it.
Where's Thaddeus when you need him?
I'm sure he could do that shit.
Remember he got stabbed by it.
Um, you know what?
Nulara, I think when we go back and find Leosin, maybe we should take this to Arvid just for him to look at, maybe give us a little bit of insight.
If it's not making you trust yourself.
And I don't want to not trust you, Nulara.
We need to be together in this battle.
And I mean, he really seemed to know a thing or two about those finger bones.
So I mean, if anyone's going to know about it, it's that creepy weirdo, right?
Maybe we can even send a letter to Ozark.
He knows all the stuff.
Yeah, you're right.
I guess I've just been.
I didn't want to say anything, but I felt like I had to tell you guys, you know, now before the end of the world.
I need to ask.
You didn't want to say anything or you couldn't say anything.
How much is this dagger controlling you?
I didn't want to tell you.
Hello. How are you?
It's me, your Dungeon Master, Rust Morth.
Thanks for joining us for episode 72 of Dumbgeons and Dragons mechanics, confessions and frat boys.
We're currently coming down from the high that was PodCon, which is where we were over the weekend.
We met so many amazing people, picked up so many new ideas and reaffirmed lots of ideas that we already had about the show.
We can't wait for you to hear what we have coming up for Dumbgeons and Dragons in the very near future.
One thing we don't want you to forget is to come join us in a couple of places.
First, Dumbgeons and Dragons Discord.
We have an awesome community solely dedicated to talking about the show and sharing ideas for Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Plus patrons have exclusive access to Patreon only channels to talk about all things Patreon.
One of the many perks for joining our community over there at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Second place to join us before the end of the month to get a little extra perk.
But you can always join us over here, the Reckless Play Guild Facebook group,
an amazing group of people who are getting together to talk D&D and some amazing actual play podcasts,
including The Dark Dice, The End of Time and Other Bothers, The Lucky Die and Us, Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You can find all of the links that you will need in the description of this episode.
And a final thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere.
Make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
The next episode will be out next Wednesday, January 30th, which will be a normal episode.
And I say that loosely as it'll be as about as normal as the remainder of this episode will be.
As I mentioned, we've wrapped up our time at PodCon and we'll be having some episodes released over the next few weeks that are a little different.
A little more in the bonus episode region where we got to play all together.
So super fun one shots with just the Dumb Dragon crew,
as well as a game with Travis Vingroff from Dark Dice and Sean Howard from The End of Time and Other Bothers.
So go check them out. They are super awesome guys who helped us play a super wonderful, funny game.
In fact, patrons of D&D have access to the unedited video of that right now, Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
But for now, that's all I have. So you have a great week and we'll talk soon.
You know you can always tell us anything. We want to help you through this.
We're a team. Yeah, yeah, I know you guys. Thanks.
Then I just like slump back in my chair and like really get to drinking that drink that I have.
Let's all really drink these drinks we have. That sounds like a great plan.
This is our last night, potential last night of freedom.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's drink the drinks and do the revelry and whatnot.
The door gets kicked open. Let's get fucked!
Flamikins!
I yell, get this bitch a drink!
Why is it so busy? Oh, you fuckers are in here. Seems like we haven't seen each other in months.
How long has it been? It's been like four days.
I thought you said we were gone for like a week. No, you were gone for two days.
Hey, Flamikins, come here, come here. You're going to love this.
And I pull out the sword that I got at home. What do you got there, bud?
I say moist.
That's really weird. And the sword starts glistening with the weird moisture that it secretes.
Touch it, touch it. Also, Flint, that's disgusting. That's the grossest sword I've ever seen.
I'm touching you. Is that what you brought from home, Flint?
Yeah, that's what my dad left for me. Was it a joke? Did he hate you? He's a big old weirdo.
It's definitely moist. It's definitely moist.
This sword says something. It says I wish it was a penis.
It basically is.
Alright, well I hope you use it to stab a whole lot of cultists.
You'll never be without it. It's all good.
How does it feel in your hand, Flint? Is it good?
It's a little slippery.
It's disgusting.
Fia, did you get any fun gifts at home? I got a necklace Flint got.
Probably the grossest sword that ever existed.
100% the grossest sword.
Like, Jesus.
Yeah, I got a tome. I haven't really read through it yet, but it seems pretty bitchin'.
I mean, a tome seems like a pretty good, pretty nice little memento of home for you to have.
Yeah, well I think hopefully it might be helpful. It might be helpful in the battle to come, so...
Well, it sounds like you guys have been doing a whole lot of cool stuff. Me, I've just been being on a boat.
Yeah? Oh yeah, how's the pirate life?
How's the pirate life? I mean, I'm practically like executive captain.
Do you miss us? Just lie if you don't.
No, I miss you. I miss you guys. I mean, they don't get my humor quite as much,
but I'm pretty much promoted to like head of the fleet at this point, I think.
Oh, wow. I mean, I'm not surprised.
We're like three drinks in at this point, right?
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's pretty much great to be on the open air again.
I feel like the pirate life, it's for me.
I mean, the ranked individual who works dutifully on a ship is for me.
That's what they tell me to say.
Oh, it's not as catchy.
That doesn't really sound like it is for you then if they're telling you to say that.
I mean, if I want to be part of this whole wham bam thank you ma'am against Tiamat here.
Yeah, and we want that. We want you as part of it.
Yeah, you gotta be in there.
Maybe you could just say like, it's a pirate's do what I'm told and follow orders life for me.
Like just under your, like keep it in your heart.
I get it.
Just say it in your heart.
See, these great ideas, they don't come up there on the boat.
Yeah, yo ho ho in a bottle of rum, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaking of a bottle of rum, let's get this bitch a drink.
No one ever comes because she never gets a drink, poor girl.
Yeah, drink, bitch.
I don't know where it's going with that.
I don't know either.
Anyways, yeah, hey, hey, Dernan, nice to see you.
Here's your rum.
Man, you gave her the hard stuff.
Bottom shelf stuff, right?
I mean, we went over this.
Thea, you said when you say get this bitch a drink, that means get them the good stuff.
Uh-huh, and then I wink hard at him.
No winking.
How much do I owe you?
We'll settle up later.
All right.
All right, he walks away.
So you guys heading out with the fleet there pretty soon, pretty soon, pretty good.
You got a lot of, there's a lot of people outside of Waterdeep there just kind of setting up shop and waiting for the old Heave Ho signal.
Is that the signal, the Heave Ho?
I think that's when you throw something or pull something or row something.
Well, we're in a bunch of boats.
We're leaving in the ship, so like Heave off.
They're airships, sweetie.
They're air.
I don't think you need to row them.
Oh, God, do they have you rowing in the bottom of the airship?
Have you been rowing the airships?
Oh, you poor thing.
I thought your arms looked bigger, though.
I mean, those are some toned ass arms.
Plumping those guns, man.
Yeah, I'm just gonna.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm not in charge of the fleet, but they do have me doing very important things.
I'm sure they do.
That's awesome.
I'm so glad for you.
You have a very particular set of skills.
I do.
And I don't know where you, where they are.
I don't know what they're doing.
I don't know what they did, but I will find them and I will kill them.
Are you talking about your skills?
Wow.
This escalated quickly.
Are you talking about your skills?
I don't know what they are.
I don't know where they are.
I don't know what they're doing.
But I will kill them.
I love Taken Flamingons.
Oh my God.
Jesus.
Right now, I'm going to say this.
I want a Taken style story starring Flamingons that we can do as a one off.
Oh, you love it.
I seriously thought you were talking about your skills.
I think that's going to be our podcon to get us through.
It kind of made me sick to my stomach.
It's too much Laffy Laffy.
This is a serious podcast, not a comedy podcast.
Come on now.
I think we're all just getting a little drunk because we've been drinking these big beers.
I think the revelry, it's good.
It's happening.
Just get in character.
All right.
Well, what you got?
He said usually means you have something to follow.
Has anyone seen Thaddeus?
He went off with the arcane bros and said he has magic shit to sling, but he'd be there.
Seems a lot more like frat house when you change it from the arcane brotherhood to the arcane bros.
Yeah, Kalfa, Gamma.
Gandalf, Gamma, Peta, Elemental Peta.
Fuck some shit up, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
You know all that Greek.
Fuck some frat bros, that's right.
How many, Flanagan?
Seventeen.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
That's a lot.
That's actually very...
It's a real sausage party.
I mean, get it, girl.
Wait, was it an actual sausage party?
We forgot to dedicate this episode.
Oh, no.
And the night keeps going.
Oh, no, he's got hiccups.
Oh, no.
I do not.
Unless you guys want to do anything else, we're just going to wrap up the episode here.
We're just going to keep hearing tales of Flamigan's weird and excessive sexual exploits.
I'm into it.
I mean, I'm not into it, but I want to hear about it.
Many rounds later of Thea yelling, visit us at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
I'll post some...
That's what Thea's yelling?
Nasty Flamigan's fan fiction.
Just nasty.
Do not promise that, Russ.
I'm kidding.
Send us your Flamigan's fan fiction and I'll read it in Flamigan's voice.
Do not ask for that.
Do it.
I do kind of want that.
Yeah.
Flamigan's unbuckles the spell to our scabbard.
Like a hundred words or less.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Like a scene.
No.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, you can do a full Twitter post.
Yeah.
No.
So 280 characters.
No.
Okay.
A hundred words.
I thought you said a hundred characters or less.
I was like, that's not even hardly anything.
No, no, no, no.
Like.
And she took the dick.
That's all it would be.
What'd she do with it?
We don't normally end episodes this way, but I feel like this one has to be ended
this way.
Yeah, I think so.
Because they just drink throughout the night and ridiculousness.
We'll see you next week, everybody.
Okay.
Bye.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
We never say bye.
No, we don't.
How do we normally end an episode?
We just end it.
Oh, damn.
I think this is the only time I've ever seen Russ just be completely fucking flustered
as to how to end an episode.
Okay.
Bye.
So I'm worried because you guys can't see me and I just heard a weird noise.
So I'm going to go investigate the weird noise.
I hope I don't get murdered because you wouldn't be able to see my killer.
We won't know.
So.
Damn it.
But we could maybe hear him and then turn this bad boy into a true crime podcast and
become millionaires.
Become millionaires.
But I will be back.
Thanks, Carla.
Through the uprights.
Okay.
It was a pleasure.
Bye.
It was a pleasure.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.